Relationship HelpAloha to everyone, as in my last post I'm going to discuss relationships. I have been chatting to my soul sister about this subject for the past month. I received an email from her the other week. In it she gives her opinion on it all. Now you might have to read it a few times to fully grasp it.
It is wonderful that you are cherishing all the good times and qualities you both shared, for you are honoring the divinity of this creation of love together. You do forget the rest because it isn't based in truth like love is and so does not really exist. Your not alone though hun and your not getting it all wrong either, this is the journey of self discovery that we are all traveling here. I don't know anyone who is in that "ideal" relationship and I truly believe it is a cruel dream to keep holding on to. We all strive for love, as it is innate within us to seek wholeness and union, and it is this which keeps us on our life path of returning all to love in this dimension. I felt very liberated when I let go of the belief that we are here to have fun and embraced that we are here to resolve all unto love that we've held separate from it within ourselves and with others.
When we journey from this perspective the joy and miracles and sense of adventure is naturally realized. We may see others in love, just like you were in the beginning with your beloved, but that is typical in the initial stage of bonding where we only see what we want to see in each other and are on our best behavior, in other words we're more conscious. We are realizing our resonances which allows for our chakric braiding to begin. In this phase we also see each others divine qualities that enhance and inspire us. This is an important stage of bonding within the relationship but it is unrealistic to think that it can be maintained. In the next phase of relationship, as we feel safer and more familiar, we relax a bit more, letting our guard down and our more unconscious tendencies start to show, this is also important and is the beginning of the next cycle where we honor each others differences. This is where our respect grows for each other and a deeper level of trust develops if we are met compassionately. Then if this has been created mutually, a deeper more intimate level of relating blossoms.
In this we feel secure enough to reveal our vulnerable child which is our true nature, but if we're triggered in this open state of being, all our unresolved stuff from our childhood comes up. If this is met with love and compassion it may heal but if not our patterning of protection comes up creating distance through the walls of protection we put up. If acceptance and trust are developed in this stage though, then we move into the next phase of the relationship cycle where both individuals now feel safe to be totally who they are and will naturally start to explore more of their individual natures. During this growth phase there may be a moving away from each other a little to feel free enough to fully explore and reveal more of their soul essence. Then the urge to move out into the world with this new found expression of self occurs, this is natural as we want to share this with others.
Often ones life purpose is discovered in this phase and resonant people are drawn together to co-create with one another when we are expressing from our true essence. There is often a strong drive to create and bond with others and move forward in this phase and this is often misunderstood by partners if they are not yet in the same phase. This is where feelings of abandonment or jealousy may arise. The one growing will feel trapped by this and the other partner will feel betrayed. With both of these energies being held unresolved within the relationship infidelity is the likely outcome.Unresolved insecurities held by one or both partners through these initial phases of the relationship can unfortunately lead to separation if denied. If however we can trust enough to allow the space for individual growth, talk honesty, give the support and love each other through this growth phase, both will come together again with even more to offer each other, which is what keeps a relationship fresh and alive as opposed to stagnant, stale and limiting.
Unresolved insecurities held by one or both partners through these initial phases of the relationship can unfortunately lead to separation if denied. If however we can trust enough to allow the space for individual growth, talk honesty, give the support and love each other through this growth phase, both will come together again with even more to offer each other, which is what keeps a relationship fresh and alive as opposed to stagnant, stale and limiting. Once all these stages have been journeyed together through a full cycle with love, respect, trust and honesty, it is then that one usually feels the desire to marry which is the next phase of loving relationship. There is the knowing there will be the freedom to be who you are and both look forward to growing and exploring together in such a supportive relationship.
If however through any of these stages the respect, trust, and honoring of the differentiation and each others unique qualities is not founded in love, then weak links are created. These weaknesses can then easily break the next time there is any strain or stress within either partners journey, again threatening separation.I'm writing all this not to tell you what to do but to share what I've come to witness through my own journey with relationship as it may help you see things from a new perspective. I find if I can identify which phase of the relationship I'm in and where I've tended to falter in the past I can be more aware of my weak links. These are usually revealed through the reflection my partner is offering. Knowing this i can get perspective and not take it all so personally which allows me to work on my own stuff, and lovingly embrace my partner too so he can feel safe to move forward into more of himself.
So far this is working for us, I am lucky he is wanting to work in this way too, he has been just as frustrated and hurt in the past through relationships as me so we are determined to work together in the name of love. It is hard at times to be so vulnerable and open, especially when my pride gets in the way or I fear he will leave me or be hurt if I share my truths, but every time I have had the courage to do so everything miraculously changes for us.